Sakuya and the Wooden Alligator

The original is here

Sakuya was taking a shower. And singing at the same time.

I steal! lollipops! From the Mistress! CAUSE I'M A REAL MAID!

She turns off the water, grabs a towel, and then opens the shower curtain. She then notices something on the floor and flinches.

Oh god!

... It was the Wooden Alligator that Remilia was acting weird with earlier.

"... What the FUCK WAS THAT?!" It yelled.

What the heck are you doing in here?! And I was singing one of my favorite songs: I steal lollipops. From the Mistress. CAUSE I'M A REAL MAID!

"You're a big fat douchebag!" The toy yelled in response.

Whatever. Why were you in here when I was taking a shower? Were you trying to get a picture of my big breasts?

"Oh well, let's see. I'm a painted fucking alligator! What would I care about Human breasts?! I don't eat them for dinner, and best don't believe they arouse me!"

You make some very good points, mister wooden alligator. But that still doesn't explain why you're in my bathroom!

"I want your skinny white ass to make me some scrambled eggs!"

Excuse me?

"Are you deaf, bitch-boy? I want some GOD-DAMN SCRAMBLED EGGS!!"

Tone it down, ya hunk of junk! I'm not gonna be making you anything if you talk to me like that!

"Oh yeah?! Well if you don't, I'm gonna take an Alligator piss all over your face! Cracker got owned!"

... Half the time you don't even make any sense.

"What part don't you get? Piss plus your face, equals PISS FACE!"

Okay, I don't care.

"Fine, then I'll tell everybody that you talk to a wooden alligator."

YOU...! I can't believe I adopted the Mistress' wooden alligator!

Sakuya gets dressed and goes to the kitchen, she gathers the necessary things to cook scrambled eggs.

You better appreciate this...

She said as she cracked the egg open and let it drop into the pan.

"It's freakin' awesome that Chickens have eggs come out their anuses! The only thing that comes out of mine is sticky smelly crap!"

What? Eggs don't come out of Chickens' butts.

"And I'm gonna run for the next presidential election. SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE!"

Phew, I swear...

"Okay, I'm gonna be straight up with you, sperm-face. I'm a scrambled egg junkie. I just got back from scrambled egg rehab."

Scrambled egg rehab...?

"Yeah, dude! There's a bunch of alligator bitches there!"

Oh yeah?

"Yeah man, I offered them crocodile cock, but the only thing they wanted to stick in their mouths was god-damn scrambled eggs! Man that shit burns lives."

Sakuya stares at the toy for awhile.

"I've been thinking of getting my wiener surgically removed, and replaced with scrambled eggs! But man, I don't have that kinda money."

Well I'm gonna pretend I have no idea what you're talking about and still go along with everything.... So why are you having me make scrambled eggs if you're already treated for it in rehab?

"Does it look like I'm treated?! Cook those eggs!"

I'M COOKING THEM!

"COOK THEM FASTER!"

I'M COOKING THEM MISTER WOODEN ALLIGATOR!

"Harder! Harder! Harder!"

Sakuya began to yell and slam the spatula into the pan repeatedly.

"Cook those eggs, cracker-boy!"

I'M COOKING THEM JUST LIKE MOMMY!

"THAT SHIT BE TASTY!"

Sakuya began to run in place as she was cooking the scrambled eggs, yelling all the while.

I'M BLEEDING! I'M FUCKING BLEEDING! I'M BLEEDING ON THE INSIDES!

"Hardcore!"

I'M COOKING SCRAMBLED EGGS, AND I'M GOING TO DIE!!

A long series of yelling later, and then Sakuya is sitting at a table, sipping tea through a straw. She seems... Disturbed.

"I love me some scrambled eggs!"

Sakuya then opened her mouth wide and forced the tea to fly through the air to her mouth, she then spit it out in a fit of rage.

WELL I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THEM!

"So... How's your daddy doin'?"

Well I don't know, you're the one that ate him.

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO That's right. I'm such a stupid alligator!"

What the heck?

"I hope that doesn't make you upset or anything!"

Sakuya shrugs in frustration.

"Crocodile cock!"

Look! Just finish your eggs and let me be.

"Stop being a sad panda! Eating your dad was just a joke! You don't take jokes very well."

A joke?! You ate my father and called me a faggot!

"CROC-O-DILE COCK!"

OH MY GOD!

"Okay! Calm down, I have an idea."

WHAT?!

"Let's play a game of monopoly!"

BLURHGHH!

My mind broke from that. It really did.

It was so much fun writing that up while picturing Sakuya dealing with that. xD

And now...